This blog post has been inspired by a couple of bloggers I really look up to. Both of who not only write brilliant content but whose images are always beautifully curated. Chloe (From the blog The Little Plum) and Hannah (Of Hannah Louise Fashion ) wrote posts about themselves and who they want to be on the Internet and I was suddenly hit with the urge to compose my own rendition. So, without further ado…
My name is Fifi, real name Sophie. When I was little I apparently couldn’t say my name and so the nickname stuck. Family and close friends flit between my two names, never quite settling on one or the other. I don’t favor one name over the other and will most likely introduce myself as both during the time that you will know me.
I grew up on the Isle of Wight, surrounded by the sea, lush green countryside and my family. I hated school; from the moment I set foot inside it on my first day. It bored me, I didn’t learn as everyone else did and have always had a difficult time making and keeping friends. I still find myself flitting from friendship groups like an overgrown butterfly, keeping a only handful of people close. These girls are the ones who mean the most to me, the type of people who make my cheeks ache because I’ve smiled so much and who love me even though I can be incredibly difficult at times.
I left school with no official qualifications and moved from my little island to London to pursue modeling at fifteen. I spent the next few years of my life traveling the world with my mum while working with agencies abroad. Those memories are some of which I know wont ever fade. The laughter, tears, arguments and joy we shared in different locations across the globe are something I cherish.
I love Harry Potter. I mean, I really love it. The films, the books and more recently the audio books are a huge source of comfort to me. I re-read the books at least once per year and every time I feel a little sad or poorly I stick one of the films on to make me feel a little less shitty. I have a tattoo of the Deathly Hallows on my ankle and toy with the idea of getting another Potter inspired tattoo at least once a week. There is also something about the weather cooling down each year that makes me want to pack my bags and head off to Hogwarts for Christmas.
I met my boyfriend when I was seventeen at a time in my life where I was being your typical misunderstood teenager. We have grown together in the last six years, becoming an almost integral part of each other’s personalities. My best friend, the father to our fur baby, Mr Ping Ping and the person I intend on spending my life with. He’s pretty amazing really.
Mental health has been a big part of my twenty’s. I was diagnosed with anxiety and depression around three/four years ago but the real blow came at the start of this year. I was diagnosed with Anorexia in January. Soon after my diagnosis I started treatment for my eating disorder as an outpatient. During my therapy my depression came at me with a force that totally took me off my feet. For years I had used food as a crutch for my depression when I had been low but that crutch was no longer there, so I spiraled into an episode that left me broken. But I got better, things got easier and life became enjoyable once again. I am in recovery for something that has ruled a big chunk of my life and it is really, really hard but I feel stronger and more certain that I can beat it every single day.
I started this blog as a way to keep myself entertained while I was working as a model in New York. I wrote about my travels, the city that had become my temporary home and my job. When I got home it was used as a bit of an online diary, typing about what I’d been up to, things I was loving at the moment and occasionally what I was wearing. Progressively this platform morphed into a fashion blog, which is where it seems to have sat quite comfortably up until recently. Over the past couple of years I’ve noticed that this blog has become an outlet for my mental health issues. At first I think the content I was writing could have been seen as helpful, I was trying to break the stigma attached to mental illness. However, this year I feel like it became a hot bed of negative energy for me.
I want to continue to create honest content that helps people feel less like a weirdo in a world that is willing us all to conform. To be able to do this without having a negative impact on my mental health I need to take things at my own pace. I might not have a post up every week but the posts will still be there because ultimately writing is a huge creative outlet for me. I adore it and want to continue to do it for as long as possible.
I don’t want to be confined to one style of blogging, I want to be able to write about fashion, beauty, wellness and mental health along with anything else that tickles my fancy. I would love to get back to my old school style of documenting my days with images and creative writing. But most of all I want to love everything that I am putting out onto my little slice of the internet.
So, that’s me. A girl who, like everyone else is still trying to figure out where I stand in the world but who is now learning to enjoy the ride a little more.
I would love to read more of my favorite bloggers posts like this, so please get writing and let us all know a little more about you.